Last night I had no choice but to go to bed early. My body gave out. I wasn’t feeling well and the mouth battle I had with my teenager took everything I had left in me. What that usually looks like is her running her mouth non stop and me using my anger management skills. The skill is that I find the control to not take my hand and instinctively use the back of it to stop her lips from flailing about. I guess you could say that I won because I didn’t give her lips the whack that they most certainly deserve. Some might say that I lost. We will save that for another post.
I worked yesterday. In fact, I work everyday. Monday through Friday at my corporate job and when that job ends for the day, I immediately walk out of my office and start my other jobs. You might know these jobs. They consist of; being a mother, a wife, a maid, a zoo keeper, a laundry mat attendant, a business assistant, and a chef. I’m sure I missed something. I prefer my corporate job hours as opposed to my other job hours. The other job hours are usually long, consist of no breaks, and a lot of stress. At least I get paid at my corporate job.
I woke up this morning for work only to find that last nights dinner still sat, stinking, on the stove. Last nights dishes remain on the counter. Our pug was ready to explode because he needed to go outside. I can only assume that someone forgot to let him out before bed last night. I felt my blood starting to boil. I wanted nothing more than to call my husband at work and fill his ears with a few choice words. I wanted to go rip my teenage daughter out of her bed and tell her a thing or two. I didn’t, I chose to save my breath. I chose silence. Not to mention, I’ve been here on more than one occasion. I ask for help, no wait, I plead for help. It never comes. The response that I hear most often is that because I am the mom, it is expected of me. Sometimes they use words like, you are the glue, you keep this house running, or my favorite, you are super mom.
I’m not sure that I can keep up with all of this for much longer. I’m aging fast and my heart empty. I’m feeling angry and unappreciated. I’d like to have a clean, smooth running house and enjoy my family but it seems that without help I will have to sacrifice one or the other. I cannot even seem to find 30 minutes for myself, for the things I enjoy, or for the things that make me happy. If I do, I am interrupted and someone elses job then becomes mine. I realize that I signed up for this job but I think I misunderstood the job functions.
I realize that this sounds terrible. I do love being a wife and mother but what good will I be to them when I die from exhaustion or just give up all together.
I feel like I am ready to turn my dirty foot stained cape in for some happiness.
If you have some words of wisdom, advice, or something to slap me with. Please feel free to share.